I mean

If we construct our lives from a concoction of our actions, thoughts and emotions
I’ve been constructing all my life in from of a TV
And that’s where I am right now
And that’s where I end up being all the time
Eventually I’ll come back to my original place
That’s where I’ve been the most
And I feel the cravings when I not around it
And I desire it
Because us humans, are creatures of habits
And habits are cozy
I came to this conclusion while thinking about death
How come I live this life and keep living this life from time to time no matter where I go or what I do?
How come some people live their lives so differently and are exposed to such different matters?
Like, for example, a drug dealer or a killer somewhere
My friends from Quixadá for example, who can only think about drinking cheap hard licor all the time
They word and live for it,
They all lived like this their whole lives
Their thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions are always developed around that

How will I die?
Am I going to die in from of a TV?
Or can I change it?
Can I change the screen?
I’ve done it many times, switching the TV with the computer
But at the end of the day, those are just screens
And all my plans end up with me looking at a screen for a long time

Am I doomed?
My father said I used to watch too much television when I was young and that maybe gave me some not-so-clever ideas

I mean
I don’t have the balls to crank up a motorcycle like this guy just did in the street in front of my house

Am I doomed?

I mean
I’ve wanted to travel as well
And I did
I’m even doing it right now
But when I start, I settle
Because I want to take it slow and easy
I want to look around
To experience time
To absorb things slowly

And at same time, conversely
I’m also all fast-passed, looking at the internet and its constant stream of info

I wonder how much of who I am today it’s really me and how much of it is just fear and doubt forced into me by a money-chasing society


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